The night rantings

Its been 1.5 mths since my last entry and I have been dragging my feet although a couple of friends has asked about updates. The reason: I just want to BUM. Yes. Bum in the real sense where I do everything from eat, sleep, meet friends, drink, read, watch movies, you get the point. All the bumming stuff besides doing stuff with any semblance of work which includes writing/typing. But as the date draws nearer to me leaving for Hong Kong to start my new job, I felt a strong urge to record my feelings and thoughts at this point of my life.

Telling people about my new job, I have received the "oh, its so wonderful....." and the "Why can't you just stay in Singapore....." comments, to various degrees. And trust me, I asked myself the same questions too.

Is it Money? Negative, although there was a certain degree of incentive to go. The reason is that I can just stay in Singapore and manage the business and get back to what I was doing or go to Malaysia and get into what my uncles is doing there.

Is it Power? Yes and No. Not so much as in "hahaha, I am a high power executive and I can crush you like a crockroach...." for I do have some degree of power doing the Singapore and Malaysia thingy as mentioned above. Plus the option to do my own thing if I do not like both. However, I recognise that there are certain constraints in running the family business or running a business funded by family money. That I do not like. But in my HK job, although I am accountable to my bosses, I always have options. One big option is always to leave. But in family, leaving is never easy. So it is more an issue of freedom rather than power. Power of freedom I call it.

Is it for recognition? Yes and No again. I had my three minutes of fame on TV, radio and print before I did my MBA and although it was fun, it was not exactly my *thang*. So I am in no hurry to become the Face or voice or whatever you call poster boys. But then again, I want to do something that my parents will be proud of and caretaker of the family business is not very notesworthy at least in the family circles.

Basically, the reason for me taking up the job is two reasons. Freedom and To See How Far I Can Proceed on my Own in the Corporate World.
I did not like the restriction of business and the lonesome life of an academic. When I first embark on my MBA, a huge reason was to find my professional direction in life. Although I went in with the typical pre-MBA hopes of consulting or investment banking, I was not sure where I want to head. It was just the money and prestige of those jobs which called out to me then. You get that alot when you are studying with money that is not yours. When I was doing my MBA at Melbourne Business School, I was amazed and impressed by the people around me. Nothing prepared me for the learning and exchanges I have with my classmates from 30+ countries and different walks of life. The brilliance of these individuals also made it a very humbling experience at times. I have studied and work with some brilliant people but imagine doing that everyday in the MBA. I learned about my shortcomings and improved on them. I identified my interest and strengths. In short, my professional personality matured, along with my social one.

If I was not content with going back to the family business, after the MBA I was not content with just being a paper pusher. Is it ambition? I am not sure for I do not hanker after money and power. It is just wanting to know how far I can go and where will I be after giving it my best. It is the curiousity of wanting to seek out unchartered territories for myself.

I recognise the sacrifices thatI will make in this job. Leaving the family, girlfriend and friend is a huge one. But I am lucky to have their support. Another is deviating from the standard Singaporean of finding a job in Singapore, get married, blah blah. It may seem boring to some but a part of me crave the trodden path, maybe the risk adverse part or the family-guy part. Plus I want my Car!!! Something which will be unrealisitc in HK.

Someone once told me, "You are so lucky. 27, an MBA, a cushy expat job in HK with a family business and inheritance."

To this I thought "Bullshit, luck has very little to do with it. I applied and staked my future for my MBA. I started scouting for jobs a year before graduation and prepared for the application process, treating it as a key job/subject.
I DO NOT want my parents to pass on, hoping they live forever. And taking into account the average lifespan of Singaporeans, when I receive my inheritance, I am freaking in my 60s. And do you know how my business works, we work 6days week, 13+ hours days, most public holidays. " But I am thankful my parents was able to help pay for the MBA first, and being born into this family is most probably the luck part.

Going into a new country and job, I am both excited and fearful. Excited at new challenges and fearful of the unknown. This must be one of my longest entries. There seems to be more thoughts waitng to be penned but like I said, I want to bum for the remaining time I have. :)